I like watching people. How they move, their facial reactions to certain things and how they react with one another. However, from my interaction with other people, I come to the realisation of one unescapable fact: I am not special or unique in any way. I think that I'm like a diplomatic parasite that just latches onto the energy or vibe of a group of people. I have no real attributes or talents and my personality is as weak as Wormtail's in Harry Potter. I don't think that I'm particularly brave, intelligent or cunning so if I was in Hogwarts, I'd probably end up in Hufflepuff..
I have no idea what job would suit me. For a long time I thought Medicine but no. It's not for me. I'm thinking of doing international relations in DCU but a good Diplomat needs to speak several languages and I can't. I can't even really see a place for people like me in society. I don't know if there even is a place where I'd properly fit in. I think that it will be like a jigsaw, I might fit in to the space but I'm still not the right piece.
I don't mean any of this is in a mopey depressive way though. I'm quite hopeful about my future. Perhaps too hopeful! I just wish that I had more of the attributes that I actually like. I'd like to have courage, wisdom, intelligence, cunning and kindness but my personality seems (to me atleast) to be rather bland. My appearance fits my personality too I suppose. Nothing impressive, nothing that could ever turn heads, nothing that people would want to see but enough. Not too ugly, not too handsome. Bland.
I'd love to be one of those charismatic people with a smile made of pearls and eyes that sparkle like diamonds. I'd like to be tall and proud and powerful but I'm not. I'm short and I have a rosy face that turns purple when I laugh. Not the stuff of Nightmares but not the materials that leaders of made of either. It's not perfect but it's mine. In the words of the song 'Not Perfect' by Tim Minchen, "I spend so much time hating it but it never says a bad word about me."
Still, I'm lucky. My health is relatively good, I've got good family and friends and Gráinne is a really great girlfriend. She wouldn't suit a lot of people but she's perfect for me. We like all the same things, our pasts are alike and we're pretty much the same person. Except, we're different too, so it's comforting and cosy being with her but really exciting too. Plus, her kisses warm up the coldest of dark nights and her words dispell all dementors and demons of the dark, dissapating them like smoke. She truly is amazing. I can't even describe how much.
