I've just finished a new little entry in my journal. Today was nice. I like writing down thoughts and ideas because I can always read them at a later date and remember them. I enjoy writing. I find it to be comforting. I like words as they are simple and beautiful and hide no elusive power or enigmatic vice. In certain ways, I prefer words to people. Words don't annoy me, they don't ever judge or sneer. I dislike people in general. I only enjoy social situations on my terms. There was once a time where I was an outgoing person who tried to live by the dictum of "all people are good" but now I have mutated into a terribly reclusive introvert. I feel alien around most people now and I see no reason to interact for the sake of talking. I hate moments when I am forced to be civil to people who I do not care for but I do so to be diplomatic, and for the sake of civility itself.

I'm so terribly pretentious and arrogant in so many ways but it's my coping method. I used to listen to everyone and care about all of their little problems but now I just don't have the time. I have more important things to do. Like watching paint dry. You tire of people's problems when you stack them on top of your own misfortunes.

I suppose I abandoned trying to be friends with everyone when they made it quite clear that they would not reciprocate that friendship. If you don't like me than I most certainly do not like you. I often wonder why I took so much shit from certain people or why I was so blind to their faults but I now see that there are many people whom I do not like as they have regressed into intellectual degenerates.

I adore my friends. I cannot stress this enough. They were there when I was at my lowest, when I felt like the world was grey and dull. When I felt as though I'd never escspe the void. They were there. I have long now escaped the void and I have to say that I am truly happy with my wonderful girlfriend and friends who make my life so wonderful. However, I often ask myself "Am I truly happy?" to which I answer "yes but you should be happier."

I went for blood tests a few weeks ago and it turns out I'm suffering from Leukopenia, Neutropenia, eukenphilia and other things. Basically my white blood cells are shit at their job and thats why I'm so sick so often. Which also explains why I can get pretty down. I'm going to work on being so hard on myself. I beat myself up about things that don't really matter.

Yours in befuddlement,
Andrew